There's no single sign that means you need a coach — but a few patterns are common: you and your partner keep having the same fight without resolving it, desire has become mismatched or gone quiet, you're avoiding a conversation you know you need to have, or you're about to make a big relationship decision (opening up, moving in, redefining commitment) without a real framework for it. If any of that sounds familiar, that's usually enough of a sign.

Because most people design every other part of their life with intention — their career, their finances, their health — and improvise their relationship entirely. A coach gives you what a book or a friend's advice can't: a structured process built around your specific situation, real accountability, and tools you actually practice rather than just read about. It's the difference between understanding a concept and being able to use it under pressure, in your actual relationship, this week.

Now, usually — not after things fall apart. Most people wait until a relationship is already in crisis before getting support, the same way most people wait until they're injured to start caring about their body. Coaching works just as well, often better, as a proactive practice: strengthening something that's already good, working through a specific decision, or building skills before you need them in an emergency. You don't need permission or a crisis to start.

Non-monogamy isn't one thing — it's a spectrum. Common types include open relationships (a primary couple exploring outside connections, usually with more emphasis on sex than romance), swinging (recreational play, often done together as a couple), polyamory (multiple simultaneous loving relationships), and monogamish (mostly monogamous, with specific, narrow exceptions). Most people don't fit neatly into one category — coaching is where you figure out which pieces actually apply to you and how to navigate the bumps. Take my free Relationship Style Quiz to see where you fall.

An open relationship typically means a primary couple who agree to allow outside sexual or romantic connections, often with clear boundaries and less emphasis on romantic attachment elsewhere. Polyamory generally centers the possibility of multiple simultaneous loving relationships, not just sexual ones. Neither is more valid than the other — the right structure is whichever one actually fits how you and your partner(s) want to live, which is exactly what we work out together in coaching.

Swinging typically centers recreational sexual play with others, often as a couple, with clear agreements that keep emotional priority on the primary relationship. Polyamory centers the possibility of multiple loving relationships, romantic attachment included, not just sexual variety. Some people move between the two, or land somewhere that blends elements of both — there's no single correct structure, just the one that's honest about what you and your partner(s) actually want.